


No Jokes

by kookitykook



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: I hope you enjoy it, No Warnings, One Shot, Reader Insert, Writing Prompt, anyways pls read love you, give me jungkook in a brown leather jacket and a knapsack, im a slut for an indiana jones au, joonie is a bad guy in this one, lots of action in this one, sope makes an appearance if you squint real hard, this was based off of a prompt and it's one of my favs ive ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 13:53:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19200202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kookitykook/pseuds/kookitykook
Summary: (Based off the prompt: "I love you." "WHAT?" "Just kidding, I just needed to distract you for a second. Sorry about this!")You can't believe you let Jeon Jungkook drag you into this. A few weeks ago you were working on your thesis like a normal postgrad, and today you're stealing crystal skulls, shooting at people, jumping out of vehicles, losing your shoe, and kicking bad guys in the face. Just an average day working with Jeon Jungkook.(Alternatively titled: The Jungkook Indiana Jones AU I Desperately Needed)





	No Jokes

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (again) yesterday and then started working on some writing prompts and now this exists. You're welcome. Hope you enjoy!  
> ~kookitykook

____

 

“Did we lose them?” Jungkook shouted, violently swerving the Jeep to avoid running into a stump.

“Hey!” you shouted back at him as you fell in a heap in the open Jeep bed at the movement. “I’m holding a gun here, maybe give me a warning if you’re about to — _oof_! _Jungkook_!”

“Sorry about that!” your partner shouted back at you, and you were glad that your hat had fallen in your face as you fell yet again, because if you’d had to see his shit-eating grin you would’ve attacked him. “You didn’t answer my question though!”

Standing to your feet with a huff and trying to balance as Jungkook drove like a maniac through the jungle, you peered through the blurring trees.

“I think we lost them,” you yelled up to him. “Can’t be sure though. But there’s definitely not any sign of—”

You screamed as a bullet whizzed past your ear, scrambling to get into the passenger seat beside Jungkook.

“I don’t think we lost them,” he remarked with an annoyingly casual voice considering they were being shot at _yet again_.

“Yeah no shit, Kook!” You flinched as bullets dinged the side of the truck. “Drive faster!”

“I’m driving as fast as I can without sending us headfirst into a jungle tree, Y/N! Why don’t you use that gun and shoot back at them!”

“Fine, I will!”

Not needing any more prompting, you leaned out of the Jeep and popped off a few rounds at the three vehicles tailing you and Jungkook through the jungle. Your eyes widened when you saw Namjoon’s vehicle catching up to yours quickly.

When he pulled up right next to you, you aimed your gun at his head, took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger.

 _Click_.

Shit. Out of ammo.

Namjoon only grinned, his eyes flitting between you and the jungle he was speeding through.

“I want that skull back!” Namjoon shouted, pulling his vehicle up right next to you and Jungkook, tree limbs whipping past as you sped through the overgrowth. “Hand it over now and nobody has to get hurt!”

“If we hand it over now, far more people than just us are going to get hurt!” Jungkook shouted, one hand on the wheel and one hand clutching his knapsack with the crystal skull. “Forget it, Namjoon!”

For a brief second, the only sound was the vehicles careening over the brush.

“Fine,” Namjoon spat loud enough for the two of you to hear him. “So be it.”

You screamed as Namjoon jerked the wheel hard, sending his vehicle hurtling against yours. Jungkook grunted, fighting to maintain control of the Jeep as Namjoon did it again. On your right was Namjoon, and on your left was a tree line that the Jeep couldn’t fit through. And if Jungkook stopped or slowed down then Namjoon’s henchmen Hoseok and Yoongi would capture you both _and_ the crystal skull.

You and Jungkook were well and truly trapped.

You glanced at Jungkook out of the corner of your eye. He could read you like a book.

“Don’t you dare.”

“Get that skull as far away from here as you can.”

“Y/N, I said don’t!”

You paid Jungkook no mind, hurtling yourself out of the Jeep and into Namjoon’s vehicle as he collided against you. Namjoon shouted as you latched onto him, raking your nails down his face as your legs dangled precariously from his vehicle. You held on as tightly as you could, knowing that if you fell now then Yoongi and Hoseok’s cars were surely going to squish you like a bug.

“Y/N!” You heard Jungkook screaming, but his voice was growing distant as Namjoon lost control of his vehicle thanks to you, turning the opposite direction as Jungkook continued to drive straight.

 _Get that damn skull out of here, Kook_ , you thought as hard as you could.

“You bitch!” Namjoon shouted, grabbing you by the back of your shirt and hauling you into his vehicle, which ending with you sprawled halfway across his lap and halfway in the passenger seat. “You and that idiot have _no idea_ the power you’re messing with!”

“Oh shut up!” You screamed, hiking up your leg and kicking Namjoon square in the jaw.

The kick had him jerking the wheel yet again, and you took the opportunity to reach for the passenger door handle and fling yourself out of the vehicle.

You knew it was going to hurt, but you didn’t know _just_ how much.

You rolled for what felt like forever, branches tearing at your shirt and scratching your face until you finally came to an abrupt stop at the base of a tree.

“Owwww,” you moaned, feeling blood dripping down the side of your face. And you were pretty sure you were missing a shoe.

You wiped the blood out of your eye to see that by kicking Namjoon, you had sent him crashing into Hoseok’s vehicle. They were both scrambling out, shouting at one another about fifty yards away from where you lay. You laughed to yourself, head falling backwards to rest in the jungle undergrowth.

The pain was worth it. That had been totally awesome and definitely gave Jungkook enough time to get away with the skull.

“Yeah,” you muttered to yourself. “Definitely worth it.”

You laid there for a few more seconds, focusing on the buzzing of the jungle and the ringing in your ears instead of Namjoon’s far away voice screaming at Yoongi and Hoseok to get in their one remaining vehicle so that the three of them could go after Jungkook. It looked like they had either assumed you were dead or were leaving you to die. That figured.

You were just about to let yourself fall asleep when suddenly —

“ _There he is_! _Get that son of a bitch!_ ”

You snapped your head up, wincing at the throbbing pain the movement produced.

 _Oh no … oh no, no, no_ … you thought to yourself, knowing good and well that there was only one person besides yourself that could make Kim Namjoon so shrieky.

And sure enough. There was Jungkook. Running towards you like a bat out of hell.

 _Wait … running? What the_ …

“Get up!” He was screaming, still toting the crystal skull in his stupid knapsack. “Aish, Y/N, you idiot, _get up_!”

You groaned as you pushed yourself to your feet and — yepp, you were definitely missing a shoe.

“Run, running, running now, we gotta _run_!” Jungkook yelled breathlessly, finally reaching you and grasping your arm, tugging you with him away from where Namjoon and his thugs were currently maneuvering their last vehicle into position.

“Where the hell is the Jeep?” you shouted, the sudden adrenaline shooting through you and making you forget about your pain. “Kook what the—”

“Ran out of gas!” he shouted, ducking as a bullet flew by the two of you. He was breathing in gasps, holding both you and the skull as you picked up speed, adjusting to the feeling of just one shoe. 

 _Gah, what a mess we are,_ you thought, taking in his dirty, sweaty and disheveled appearance next to you, who had literally just thrown yourself from a moving vehicle in a jungle.

“Where are we running?” you screamed, picking up the pace as much as you could when you heard the revving of Namjoon’s vehicle.

“Away!”

“Oh well that helps, Kook!”

Three more bullets whizzed by.

“How the hell did you talk me into this stupid job?!”

“Me?!” Jungkook screamed, leaping over a fallen tree. “You’re the one that told me about this stupid skull!”

“And you’re the one who said we ought to go steal it!”

“It’s not stealing if we’re saving innocent people!”

“It’s definitely stealing if it means Kim Namjoon is going to kill us over it!”

“That doesn’t make any sense at _all_!”

“Oh like you ever make sense! You could have warned me that—”

“Look out!”

Jungkook grabbed you by the elbow and hauled you back as quickly as he could, the both of you skidding across the dirt and falling backwards just _inches_ from the ravine you had almost ran right into.

You fought to catch your breath, clutching onto Jungkook just as tightly as he was clutching onto you. The two of you helped each other stand, looking over the edge of the ravine into the churning waters of the river.

Jungkook glanced back at the rapidly approaching vehicle holding Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok. You couldn’t take your eyes off of the water though. The way that the opposite side of the ravine was positioned, you couldn’t see that the chasm was even there until you were right on it.

“How high do you think it is?”

“Uhhh, fifty meters give or take a few,” Jungkook mumbled, running his hands through his hair.

“Can we survive a jump that high?”

“Uhhh, not sure.”

“You keep answering with ‘uhhh,’ and it’s not making me feel any better.”

You could hear Namjoon getting closer, but they weren’t shooting anymore which meant they had probably run out of bullets too. At least there was that. 

“Y/N.”

Jungkook stuffed the skull into his knapsack, securing the straps tightly, then grabbed you by the shoulders. You could hear Namjoon more clearly now, they were probably going to run you and Jungkook over in about fifteen seconds. At least the skull would be destroyed, too, and you took some comfort in that.

“Y/N, listen to me.”

You didn’t listen.

“Y/N, I love you!”

You finally snapped back to reality.

“ _What?!_ ”

“Just kidding, I just needed to distract you for a second. Sorry about this!”

Before you could even think to scream, Jungkook wrapped his arms around you and sent the two of you careening over the edge of the ravine.

**

You dragged yourself up onto the river bank with coughs that racked your whole body. Mud seeped through your linen pants, and your dripping wet hair was definitely going to give you pneumonia if you didn’t get warm soon.

Your lungs expelled the nasty river water violently, bringing up some bile with it too. As soon as you could breathe, you pushed past the pain all over your body and looked around you.

“Jungkook?” you croaked, your voice hoarse from all of the coughing. You were alone on the riverbank. “ _Jungkook_!”

 _Shit, shit, shit_.

You were getting frantic now, your pain the last thing on your mind as you scrambled to your feet and looked all around the riverbank.

“Jeon Jungkook!” You screamed.

And then you saw it. A familiar, stupidly round head bobbing in the river just ahead of you.

“Kook!”

You flung yourself back into the icy waters without a moment of hesitation, swimming the ten or so meters out to where his body was.

You grabbed him around the waist, noting but not caring that his knapsack with the crystal skull was still safely secured to his person.

You miraculously managed to keep his and your head above water as you swam back to the riverbank, unceremoniously dropping his body to the muddy bank, his long legs still in the water.

“Oh no,” you murmured, hands shaking as you hovered them over Jungkook’s motionless chest.

He wasn’t breathing. His head was flopped to the side away from you, wet hair sticking to his forehead.

“No, no, no.” You put your head to his chest, but the ringing in your ears had you completely useless. “Kook, no, you can’t … no, no!”

Thinking back to the one CPR class you took back in college when you and Jungkook met, you pried open his mouth and began blowing air into it.

“Chest compressions, chest compressions,” you muttered to yourself, sitting up on your knees and leaning your whole body weight into the motions.

Jungkook remained still.

You knew you were crying because the river water still dripping from you was ice cold, whereas your tears streamed hot down your face.

“You son of a bitch!” you screamed, hitting his still chest. “You drag me on this crazy adventure, get me shot at, have me run through a damn jungle without one of my shoes! I jumped out of a car for you! Then you throw me off of a cliff?!” You’re hysterical, your nose running as you cry over Jungkook’s still form. “And then you tell me you love me only to follow it up with ‘just kidding?!’ I _hate_ you!”

On pure instinct you slammed your fist into Jungkook’s chest, which led to you promptly screaming as his body convulsed, river water shooting out of his mouth as he began coughing and inhaling deep, wet breaths.

“Holy shit!” You reached out to help him sit up, leaning his body into yours and hitting him on the back a few times to help him expel the water from his lungs. “Jungkook, I — holy crap I thought you were _dead_!”

“I think I was,” he gasped out, taking in a deep breath as he looked up at you as if offended. “Did you just _hit_ me?”

Well _that_ dried up your tears.

You huffed, letting him go and standing up quickly, which led to him falling sideways further into the mud with a grunt. You stomped into the water, shivering as you splashed water on your face to clean your runny nose and teary eyes.

“Yes, I hit you!” you shouted, whirling back around to face him, but then spluttering as your wet hair slapped you in the face. “And I saved your life too, you’re welcome for that by the way! I’d think you’d be using your first words back from the dead to say, oh I don’t know, _thank you_?! Or perhaps something along the lines of ‘ _I’m sorry I threw you off a cliff_?’”

“It wasn’t a cliff, it was a ravine.”

You could only stare slack-jawed as Jungkook pushed himself up with a grunt, coughing a few more times as he pushed his wet hair back from his face and shrugged off his knapsack and brown leather jacket. Any other time you might have been ogling his muscles that were clearly on display beneath his wet white shirt, but at that moment you were primarily focused on not _tossing him back into the stupid river_.

“And I saved your life first, so really you should be the one thanking _me,_ ” he continued, grinning like an idiot as he checked his knapsack and saw that the crystal skull was still safe.

“M-Me?” You spluttered. “Me — thank _you_ , I — are you _joking_?!”

“Not at all. Hey, where’s your other shoe?”

“I lost it! When I jumped out of Namjoon’s vehicle after jumping out of _your_ vehicle to save _your_ life the first time! So I will _not_ be thanking you, no siree, nuh-uh.”

“You jumped out of Namjoon’s vehicle?” he asked casually, stuffing the skull back into his knapsack and taking a few casual steps towards you.

“I — yes, I did!” you shouted, fury dancing across your features as he nodded as if you had just commented on the weather or something else equally boring. “And it was _awesome_ , thanks for asking. I was willing to die for you to get away with the skull and how do you repay me? How, Jeon Jungkook? Oh I remember! You _ran out of gas_.”

“I didn’t really run out of gas, I just said that so you wouldn’t waste time yelling at me for coming back for you.”

It was the wave of his hand in your direction along with those words that did you in. With a gutteral scream you marched into his space, fully prepared to sock him in the jaw, only to be met with his strong hands pinning your arms to your sides and pulling your body flush against his.

“Jeon Jungkook I _swear_ I’m going to—”

You were silenced as his cold lips descended upon yours, kissing you with such an intensity that it made your already woozy head spin even more. Your eyes fluttered shut and you wished you could have blamed your injuries for the way you positively melted against him, but you knew deep down it was because it was _him_.

Jungkook’s lips parted yours with a shaky breath, his hands moving up to cradle your face when he realized that you weren’t planning on attacking him anymore. You were both shivering, but both reluctant to pull away. The only sounds were the river gurgling behind you and your heavy breathing as he continued to kiss you until you saw stars.

Finally, just as you were starting to feel warm all over, Jungkook pulled away with a deep gasp. He didn’t go far though, and you could feel every inch of him pressed against you. Your body was still trembling, but now it wasn’t from the cold.

“I …” You gulped, licking your lips as you fought for breath. You elected to ignore the smug grin on Jungkook’s now swollen lips as you looked up at him. “I thought you said you were just kidding.”

“Oh I was,” he said simply.

Your eyes bugged out of your head and you suddenly wished you hadn’t pulled him out of the river.

“At least then I was,” he clarified, not perturbed at all at your expression. In fact, he just grinned and kissed the tip of your nose. “But then I saw that you were still alive and that you had saved me—”

“Twice.”

“That you had saved me _twice_ , and I … I realized that I’ll take getting shot at and jumping off cliffs—”

“Ravines.”

“— _Ravines,_ if it means that you’re alive. I’ll take on any adventure as long as it’s with _you_.”

Tears were welling up in your eyes again, but this time you didn’t mind.

“I love you, Y/N. No jokes this time.”

“Throwing me off of a ravine is not a joke.”

“Maybe not a _good_ one. But hey, it’s a hell of a first date, you gotta admit.”

You grinned up at him. “I love you too, you insane man.”

Just as Jungkook was leaning down to kiss you once more, both of you smiling like idiots and covered in river water, mud, and blood, a voice cut across the ravine.

_“Jeon Jungkook! Y/N!”_

The two of you turned, still clutching onto one another as you looked up to the opposite side of the ravine where Kim Namjoon stood, Yoongi and Hoseok flanking him. Even as far away as he was, you could see that he was covered in dirt and there was a nasty gash on his arm, and his two goons were in equally rough shape.

“That crystal skull is mine!" he yelled. "You won’t get away a second time! I’m going to make you wish you—”

“Oh shut up!” You shouted back across the ravine. 

Hoseok laughed as Namjoon froze, clearly surprised, which led to Yoongi elbowing Hoseok hard enough to make him stumble and lurch backwards away from the edge, falling on his ass in the process.

Jungkook looked down at you and laughed with abandon, and you smiled at him widely. His laugh was the best sound in the world, especially after the ... interesting day you’d had.

“I love you,” you murmured.

“And I love you. No jokes.”

“No jokes,” you affirmed, pressing your lips to his firmly. “Alright, we gotta go. Making out with you is great and all, but I’m missing a shoe and we still have to get that skull out of here.”

“Ooo, I love it when you talk dirty to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> That was fun. What'd you think??? Comments and kudos are very much appreciated!  
> ~kookitykook


End file.
